i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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