Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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