I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
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Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
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I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
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