i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
