I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
Randomize
