Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Randomize
