Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
