Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
I can feel your judgement through the phone
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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