you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
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How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
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