if i can run in heels then i can drive
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
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