He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Randomize
