just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
