You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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