Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
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