i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
