i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
We're too hungover to prance.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
