I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
