Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
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