we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
