five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
