I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
did you just send me my own nude
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
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