Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
