I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Randomize