i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
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He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
should my penis look like a turkey
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
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