Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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