Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
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