I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
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