I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
be right there i have to get my cape
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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