how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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