I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
