you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Randomize
