; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
Randomize
