Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Randomize
