New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
Randomize
