sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Randomize
