i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
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