Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
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