YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
