he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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