Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Randomize
