If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
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