is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
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