i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Randomize
