my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize