you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
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