Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
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my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
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