Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
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