Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
