sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
the gays at disneyland are vicious
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
