Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Randomize
