When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
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