I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Randomize
