dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Randomize
