Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Randomize
