How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
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