he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
A bitchslap is in order.
Randomize
