you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize
