every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
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As long as you're not dating white guys again.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
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All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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