just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
