yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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