Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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