I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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