you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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