I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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