Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Randomize
