The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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