I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
