i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
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