Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Randomize
