I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Randomize
