omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Randomize
