I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
