remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
