Me too!
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
